The many categories of men

Ok...so we have known for quite some time (eternity actually) that men are a totally different species from women. If u are suprised to read this...then chances are u have been living in a cave for the past millenia.

I am not making this statement based on a recent discovery. Its something i have known all along. But i tend to want to state the obvious when an experience(s) baffles me into re-affirmation of my belief.

As a woman...a heterosexual woman.....it goes without saying that i am in frequent contact with men. (pls take your mind out of the gutter...i dont sleep with everyman i speak to). Now before i continue.....let me put up the following disclaimer: I am well aware of the fact that not ALL men are complete idiots, fools, nonsensical beings worthy of the title village idiot or Hellspawn. But lawd gawd .....a vast majority of them fall into one or all of those categories.

Over the years i have made my own assesment of certain groups of men. Bear in mind that this is my own categorization based on my own experiences. However i am sure somebody reading this can relate to some of it.

*The Lights are on but nobody is home
I have met a couple of these types of guys. And before you even go 'Awww.....dont be like that to these guys'....let me stop u right there. Yes....they may induce symphetic looks and feelings from you and you might even want to adopt one, but i assure you, these men are far from dumb. Unless they are medically classified as being 'retarded'....these men have just not invested all the time in trying to figure out women. In some cases you can definetly see them from a mile away. The apparent geekyness and cluelessness. But most women have encountered the undercover dim-lighted man. Yes you know him......you know him welllllllllll. He is the guy who has no clue that not all women are going to fall for his looks, his charm or anything that he thinks are his positive traits. He actually believes that once a woman speaks 5 or more sentences to him....that he is IN!!!.

Example: I met this guy. who i just thought was a nice guy. He seemed to be kinda lonely and claimed to be very shy. (notice how the trap is built). He wanted to 'hang out' with some day he said because he thought i was cool and because he wanted to experience a little more of life. Now this is right up my alley....I am all about fun. So we made arrangements to hang out. We were gonna go to a concert. The week before ...he started saying things to me like 'i hope i wont be invading your time with your friends'.....'i hope to get a dance with you if it so pleases you'....'i dont want u to think i am stalking u or anything'. I should have gotten the hint from this point on. But nooooooooooooooooooo.....i was all impressed tht the 'shy guy' was actually bold enough to say things like that. (in my mind i was thinking ...this is progress). Fast forward to the concert. He is there with a friend and i am there with a group of my girlfriends. I introduced everyone and welcomed him into the group. the night started out ok. We chit chatted between the concert and all seemed ok. Nevermind that he was kind of leechy on me....i thought he was just trying to get closer to the group without being overly obvious. You know.....like i am the buffer for the group. The main act comes on...and its a real hyper performer. Everyone is dancing and having fun. And then....................it happens....he morphs into stalker type guy. Everywhere i moved to in the audience he moved along with me. Once in a while whispering....'i am not trying to stalk u or anything ok' and then smiling brightly. (said hannibal to clarice). Somewhere in the middle of the concert....he grabs me from behind and start gyrating on my ass. with the comment 'is this how u like it?'...'u like it like this right? huh? ...you do '. Holddddddddddddddddddddd up....wait a minute! This was my final straw and i walked off and became a virtual chameleon the rest of the nite. A few days after i speak to him and express my concerns about that nite...and how i felt uncomfortable. You know that he couldnt not understand how i could say that. That he was absolutly not stalking, not making a play at me....that i was taking things out of proportion...and tht he did say that to me at the concert that he wasnt doing that.
My response: *blank stare* followed by 'block and delete' from my msn list.

* The 'ohhh baby i can rock your world in bed guy'
You know him. chances are you slept with him once. Some of you are living with him right now. He is the guy who exudes suaveness. (atleast he thinks he does). There is ofcourse the 'plain in site' version. The macho shirt, halfbuttoned with chest hair showing. The perfect coif. Nice goaty or clean shaven. The multitude of cologne that reaches your nose from across the ocean. I dont need to tell u about him. You know him well. Then ofcourse this is the undercover one. The one who seems like a nice wellbalanced guy. He kisses right. Holds your hand, compliments you at the right time and all of that jazz. His out of bed actions give u the promise of an out of the world 'between the sheets experience'. You crave for it...but he holds u off because he doesnt want to spoil you hes says. He says to you that he will rock your world and he wants to make sure u are ready for it. In some cases he builds slight insecurity in you about your own capabilities. You might even find yourself consulting your friends for new techniques. And then u finally arrive at le moment supreme.....zee bedroom scene: The adventure starts off well enough....kisses and caresses.......and then....................... something goes terribly wrong. His hand action resembles a 4 year old molesting playdough. Just when u cant endure anymore ....he starts his 'thrusting actions'.
Him: sweating, panting, moaning, asking you who's your daddy etc etc
You: Looking at him as if his hair is on fire, questioning how u got into this mess. trying to recall where the emergency exits were. Praying that a friend calls with an 'emergency'. Contemplating where he is ...cause u want to have as much fun as he does. And ofcourse the most obvious of all.........your world is perfectly solid. no rocking...not even the slightest quiver.
Ofcourse there is always the alterntive ending....the directors cut so to speak
Him: same as above
You: Stoping him abruptly...instructing him to pack up and leave.

There are more types of guys on my personal experience roster. So i shall update this soon. But please note the fine print again.
Disclaimer 1.2. : This is all in good fun and based on my ownnnnnnnnnn experiences and how i choose to categorize. its alll in good fun

Mystic

Dance Class

As a little girl and a teenager i took danceclasses. Several days a week i put on a leotard, pulled my hair back and walked up the steps to the dance studio. I took jazz ballet, Ballet and tap dance classes. It was pretty serious business. I started in the beginners class, then moved to the advanced class. My ambition was to be in the Adult dance company. But that never really happened. I was never really good enough for it. And in retrospect....that wasnt really where my passion was (although at the time i did think that).


I continued dancing, chasing after one of the coveted spots on in the Adult dance company. I never really got that spot. But i excelled in Tap dancing. Though the class consisted of very little people. (read 4 max), i enjoyed it. I even advanced to high-heeled tap shoes. A pinnacle moment in tap dance. I had moved up to the elite of the tap class. Nevermind that i was the only one. I was proud of my high-heels.

Somewhere around my 16th birthday i got into a car accident. The accident left me with a broken collarbone, broken jaw and several vertabre's in my spine that were moved out of place. I stopped dancing for about a year. When i finally returned to the studio, my passion for dancing had dimished dramatically. I only took tap dancing classes. The high-heels had to sit on the side lines for a while untill my back was ready to handle that kind of pressure again. I performed once more when i was 18 and then hung up my dancing shoes for good. (or so i had thought)

Fast forward to 14 years later........last night to be exact.....and i found myself in dance class again. In november i auditioned for a role in a musical. I was casted as one of the 8 lead actors in the musical. Being that it is a musical the cast has to take voice lessons AND dance lessons. During the casting meeting i got my dance schedule and was instructed to take atleast 2 classes per week. Classes range from jazz-ballet and modern dance to classical ballet. And yes.....the dances would take place at the very same studio i took danceclasses year ago. Even one of the instructers and the director from way back when were still present at the studio.

Walking into the studio with my 'dance' clothing on was a very surreal feeling. I mean, i had been there before to watch a few friends or for whatever other reason.......but now i was actually going to take class. I didnt know if i would be able to keep up with the classes. Afterall it had been 14 years. But nevertheless i was going to give this a shot.

And so the class starts....Mondern Dance was on the agenda. The dance instructor was one of those i had taken class from way back when. She welcomed me warmly and told me to not worry about not being able to follow all the steps....it would come to me in time. (uh huh....sure lady....i havent danced in so long. i am not sure the body will want to cooperate at all). So there we started ....with stretching excersizes. Good Lord, i hadnt realized i was so stiff untill i actually started stretching. The body parts collectively started filing a protest again this 'unnatural' activity. The lungs were threathening to go on strike....and i was sweating profusely. Not to mention that i was getting confused by all the movements that we had to do.

As i was struggling with my limbs and the movements, i looked around at the people in the class. Some were people i had started dance class with all those years before. Others were people that took these classes to stay to relax. And some were former proffesional dancers who wanted to keep the flame alive. This was great!....I had been worried that i would be in a class of teen over-achievers, who wanted to impress the dance lady. Instead i was in a class with people who really came to enjoy them selves and learn something new. In that instant, when i realized what was going on around me.....i relaxed. I decided to have fun with this. No pressure, no impressing the teacher, no trying to up stage the dancer next to me. Nope, just plain old enjoyment of getting my body back in movement after so long. Ok......so nevermind that i couldnt bend all the way to the floor, that i couldnt put my forhead on the floor in front of me, that my leg didnt go any higher then a 15 degree angle.........I was having fun. I had let go of all the pressures of dance class from years ago. And more importantly i had realized that i was dancing for myself and doing the best of MY abilities. Ohhhh the joys of wisdom at this age. I soooo love my 30's. Its so much more fun enjoying yourself without the pressure.

I continued on with Ballet class that nite. I stretched and plied, and releve'd and jete'd for an hour. Thouroughly enjoying the class. Ofcourse there was some discomfort...ok, ok....there was pain.....BUT.....i was having fun!!!. I am actually enjoying the sore muscles today, because i know it came from something i like to do.

Onward to another dance class next week.......!!!!

Lesson learned

When I started teaching I didn’t realize how dedicated I would become to my students and my work. Over the years I have done a lot of things for my students and in the name of students. In general I am a really nice person. Sometimes….too nice. This has been proven over and over again.

Such is the case with my most recent ‘faux pas’ of being nice in a work environment. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being nice and helpful. But when it turns out that u are cleaning someone else’s mess, it becomes misguided and down-right stupid. Not to mention that it is a detriment to your own reputation and sanity.

I am the mentor of a 4th form class. These students are exam students. And as exams students they have to complete several different tasks before they can graduate. One of their tasks is a 6 week period of industrial training. As their mentor and their restaurant techniques/guest-relations teacher I am responsible for making sure that these students are ready to take part in the work force as trainee’s. The school has appointed a job training coordinator for the several sectors that we have present: Hospitality and Basic health. Each sector has their own coordinator who is responsible for structurizing, supervising and guiding the students and teachers in these sectors. In most cases the sector coordinator also teaches the students. Such is the case in my sector. My colleague is the coordinator and kitchen teacher.

Now….my colleague has been at the school for years. He is knows the in’s and out’s of the sector. Parts of his coordinating tasks are to assign the students to a company (read hospitality establishment) where they can be trainees for the 6 weeks. True to form he compiled and submitted his list of company’s and the corresponding student names. The list along with the task book was submitted to the principal and the Job training coordinator in October. Everything was fine and dandy. (or at least so I thought). He was supposed to have called the company’s received a written confirmation back from them, and finalized the paperwork for the students.

Right before the x-mas break my colleague falls ill. I speak to him before the break and ask him if everything has been finalized for the students who are scheduled to go job train on the 14th of January. My colleague assures me that everything is in order. I ask him if there is anything I should do in his absence. He assures me again, that everything is taken care of and I need not worry. My only task according to him is to make sure that the students are mentally prepared to go out into the workforce.

X-mas break comes and goes. Upon return to school I find out that the company’s are not aware of the fact that the students are coming to job train on the 14th. Now being the ‘helpful person’ that I am, I take it upon myself to call the company’s to verify if this is true and to try and get the ball rolling where this is concerned. Every company I call informs me that they have no clue that these students are coming. When I inform them that my colleague was the one who set up the appointments and allocation of students, they inform me that they will need a written confirmation of this agreement. Of course I don’t have a confirmation because I was not involved in this whole process. I am just calling to confirm and inform on what has transpired. Most of the company’s are willing to accommodate the students even at this late stage. And I am grateful. But these are the small establishments. The larger establishments (read Resort Hotels) will not hear of this. This results in ME being reprimanded like a little child for being unprofessional and sending these students out without prior agreements.

I was deeply embarrassed and highly upset. But the question is at who? I could be partially upset at my colleagues for not having done their work correctly. But most of the anger is at myself, because I took it upon myself to be helpful. Result: that I made myself look incompetent and foolish.

Lesson learned!!! do NOT make yourself available for helping out in certain situations. It doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. The only thing that results from this is that you end up looking like the one who caused this mess and that your name and reputation are discredited.